‘Our children must never work for our love. They must rest in it’
– Gordon Neufeld
And with this, he said it all.
This quote actually brings tears to my eyes. The profound meaning of it. The devastating meaning and long-term (even lifelong) consequences of this.
Children shouldn’t work to get their parents’ love. They shouldn’t change, submit, or sacrifice what and who they are.
Love shouldn’t be negotiated; it should be delivered.
The way we are is determined by our early relationships, mostly our primary bonds, especially parents, close family, the people who brought you up.
Our primary relationships dictate so much about ourselves.
The way we are, how we communicate and relate to others, whether this happens from a place of love or the opposite.
Our capacity to dream (and to what extent), and our capacity to work on specific goals and make them concrete, real, and tangible.
Our capacity for love and to be loved.
This is nothing but LEARNING. We learn from them how the world is and our own place in it.
Now, what place were you given?
Perhaps you were told you were ultra-special and then kept on living your adult life as if you were entitled to everything and everyone.
Maybe you were taught that you were worthless, not being given a place, a voice, a right. And kept on living your adult life as if you were meaningless, useless, with nothing to say or to offer to the world.
I really hope you were given a place in between those two states I just defined. The happy middle.
If not, remember you could always ask for help.
Whatever the outcome of your upbringing, the good part always is (and please remember it!) it could be reversed, it could be repaired. If you weren’t lucky with the family cards you were dealt with, there’s still hope.
The hope that you will do something about it.
Love,
Noemi
