It has become quite a trend to encourage people to use ‘No’ as a full sentence, and I don’t think it’s the smartest way to set boundaries with others and to stay true to yourself, because you can hurt or disrespect the other person while doing so.
Not that you have to provide a full list of reasons why you can’t or won’t do a particular thing (please, don’t). Not that you have to apologise to the Other. Just be mindful of two things: the other person and the context.
‘No.’ is a full sentence.
While I agree you shouldn’t say yes to what you want to say no. I strongly disagree to be that abrupt or inconsiderate with the other person or the context, unless it is really appropriate (probably, very few times)
And, of course, let’s forget about ‘I’m sorry but I can’t…’. Instead, how about you use THE SANDWICH TECHNIQUE:
YES (bread) Start the sentence in a nice and empathetic way, like this: ‘thanks so much for the invitation, I’d love to go out this weekend…’
NO (ham & cheese, other fillings…) Now, decline the invitation/proposition in an assertive way: ‘ but this weekend I’d rather stay home and rest’
YES (bread): End the sentence with a positive tone: ‘thanks anyway for the invite, perhaps I can make it next time!’
Bear in mind that this technique is not for you to be insincere or manipulative. This is just a way to be able to say no without making it uncomfortable or aggressive for you or the other person. You can say no and move on with your life without having to make a drama out of it.
Also, (disclaimer, disclaimer!) This example it’s not exhaustive and can’t be applied to every possible situation, just use the key points and adapt it to your particular context.
Now, let’s practise! Let me know how it went for you.
Love,
Noemi
