Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt.
That’s another one of Louise Hay’s key philosophy points. Louise Hay is a self-help guru and new age pioneer, and today I’m going to review this point.
Everyone suffers. That is true. There are no exceptions, no matter the appearances.
No matter what the cashier at the supermarket says about how well her son did in his final exams.
No matter how great the holidays with the in-laws at that Spanish beach resort went, according to your office coworker.
No matter what your friend, three prosecco glasses later, says about how great and satisfying her current relationship status is.
No matter how great, cool, and smooth people apparently (and I repeat, apparently) seem to be on social media (especially on the mother of all social media, aka Instagram).
For we are all human, and we were once thrown into this life, surrounded by all that is good and all that is bad. Never knowing what the purpose of it all is, never knowing who or what created us, never knowing what will happen once we are no longer here. Never knowing with certainty, no matter your beliefs.
There are levels of suffering. Because we all have to face the facts and accept the hand we were dealt. Some have a better hand than others, and that is so unfair.
But is that going to stop you from living your life to the fullest potential? No.
One of the perks of being a psychologist is that you can get a closer look at what’s inside a person’s life. And when you look inside, you see it all. ALL.
You see the magnificence, the goals, the luck, the love, the excellence, the gifts, the dreams, the happiness…
You see the misery, the betrayal, the sadness, the pretense, the struggle, the sorrow, the grief, the impotence…
You see the good, the bad, and the ugly.
That is if the person is really being honest with me. Because there are people who… well, let’s say, they don’t go to therapy for the right reasons, or they have a big resistance to digging deeper, or, this is the worst, they just confuse therapy with a relaxing back massage, oils and all.
“It seems to me,” Louise said in her book, “that everyone on this planet whom I know or have worked with is suffering from self-hatred and guilt to one degree or another. The more self-hatred and guilt we have, the less our lives work. The less self-hatred and guilt we have, the better our lives work on all levels.”
She’s right.
And why am I sharing this with you?
First and foremost, so you know for sure that you are not alone in your suffering.
You don’t have exclusivity when it comes to suffering. Meaning, even if it seems that you are the only one struggling, let me assure you, everybody around you is suffering.
To each their own, of course. Everybody has their own problems, difficulties, or struggles.
The reason why you think you are the only one being stuck, not progressing, suffering for XYZ… The reason why you think you are the only one and everybody else seems to be doing just fine is…
Come on, you know it.
Come on, spit it out.
Yes. Everybody is silent. That is part of the problem.
Nobody shares their suffering. For a multitude of reasons. That’s why we feel all alone, and end up hating ourselves. Because if it’s only us that have the problem, and everybody is excelling in whatever avenue they’re in, then, obviously, the problem is within us.
Let me give you a few examples:
When I talk to client A, she’s struggling because she always plays the same role in her workplace. A submissive, always complacent, always ready to do favours for others. The same role in which she ends up being the prey for some kind of abuser that takes advantage of her insecurities. Thinking, ‘I’m not good enough. And everybody else seems to be doing better.’
When I talk to client B, he’s struggling because he doesn’t seem to connect with his coworkers, friends, and whoever he interacts with. He feels so inadequate, that every single thing he’s going to share with others has to be measured and studied before it even comes out of his mouth. Guess what? To him, everybody else seems to be thriving, engaging in great social relationships. That nobody suffers like he does.
Do you see a common pattern?
Louise Hay centred on the profound impact of self-perception on overall well-being. Her point was that self-hatred and guilt are pervasive, deeply ingrained emotions that obstruct personal growth and happiness.
In a way, these negative feelings create a barrier to experiencing life fully and healthily. And then, end up attracting negative circumstances and relationships, leading to a cycle of dissatisfaction and emotional turmoil.
So, are you willing to break free from this horrible cycle?
Love,
Noemi
PS2: This is the fourth part of a series of articles in which I’m talking about Louise Hay’s key philosophy points. See the others here. Or her book here.
