You should know I’ve still got my nose buried in Gabriel Rolón’s La felicidad. Don’t worry, though, it’s not a toxic relationship — we’re actually quite happy together.
And because of that, I’m going to share something inspired by the book: Why modern happiness often feels like such a letdown. By the end of the article, you’ll know how to break free from society’s unrealistic expectations and start finding a way to happiness that actually works for you.
Yes you, not the neighbour, not your sister, not that other friend that got married this year. You, just you.
Let’s face it. The idea of happiness is pretty much plastered everywhere these days, right? It’s all over the ads we see, the movies we watch, and of course, those never-ending social media posts. It feels like everyone is selling us the same image: a picture-perfect life where everything just clicks — success, comfort, and that elusive thing called “contentment.” But let me ask you something… have you ever wondered if that’s actually true? Because if you’re anything like me, it starts to feel a bit off after a while. It’s curated content after all!
Gabriel Rolón’s got something to say about this, and trust me, it’s a bit of a wake-up call. In his book La felicidad: más allá de la ilusión, he talks about how these cultural expectations are totally disconnected from what we really need deep down. I mean, we’re bombarded with these unrealistic ideals, and they can honestly mess with our heads. So, let’s unpack what’s really going on with this so-called happiness everyone’s chasing.
The myth of constant happiness
Here’s the deal — modern culture wants us to believe that happiness is something we can just hold onto forever (eh… no). It’s like this golden state we’re all supposed to reach, where everything in life magically lines up. Your job, your relationships, even your personal growth — all perfectly balanced, and you’re just supposed to feel amazing all the time.
But come on… does that even sound realistic?
Social media certainly doesn’t help. All those perfectly filtered lives, making you wonder why your own isn’t that sparkly. Aka the comparison trap.
But here’s the thing Rolón points out — that whole idea of constant happiness? It’s total rubbish.
Happiness comes and goes, like waves. Some days you’re riding high, and other days, well, not so much. That’s just life.
But society? Nah, they’ve got us believing that we can lock it down permanently if we hustle hard enough, buy the right things, or hit the right milestones.
If only you did this (_)! If only you were a bit more like (_)!
And then we’re left wondering why we’re exhausted and still not feeling fulfilled. Funny, isn’t it?
The material success trap
Now, let’s talk about this obsession with material success. You know what I’m talking about. The bigger house, the latest phone, that fancy car your brother in law just bought. Society has drilled into our heads that the more stuff we have, the happier we’ll be. And we buy into it — literally.
You’ve seen the ads, right? They tell us we’ll feel complete once we purchase that thing.
That Dacia Sandero.
That Bali retreat.
OH, painful!
But here’s where we get it wrong. Sure, having financial stability can make life a little easier. No doubt about it.
But the idea that money and shiny new toys are going to bring lasting happiness? It’s an illusion.
Like Rolón says, we chase these material goals, and even when we get them, we’re left feeling kind of… empty.
It’s like we were promised a feast and given crumbs instead.
The problem is, none of this stuff fills the deeper emotional gaps — the connection, the purpose, the stuff that really makes us feel alive.
Chasing social validation
Here’s another trap we fall into — social validation. We’re constantly seeking approval from others. Whether it’s through Instagram likes or that promotion at work, we’re wired to measure our worth based on what other people think.
Let me tell you, that’s a slippery slope.
Success? These days it’s all about how others perceive us, and happiness becomes this thing we’re desperately chasing from the outside in.
The result? We’re never satisfied.
The second the applause dies down, so does our sense of well-being.
Rolón hits the nail on the head here — modern culture disconnects us from who we really are. We become so obsessed with meeting these cultural standards of happiness that we lose sight of what actually brings us joy.
What about being content with ourselves, knowing who we are without needing a standing ovation?
That’s where real happiness comes from.
The fear of feeling bad
Let’s be real. Nobody likes feeling bad. But modern culture has made us terrified of negative emotions. There’s this message floating around that if you’re not constantly happy, there’s something wrong with you.
Got a bad day? Better fix that ASAP.
There’s a self-help book for that. Or maybe a TED Talk to get you back on track. Fucking Chris Williamson’s 10 top tips for achieving X.
Feeling anxious or sad has somehow become unacceptable.
But here’s the truth — as Rolón points out, those darker emotions? They’re just part of being human.
You can’t have the highs without the lows.
Grief, frustration, sadness — these are the things that shape us, that make life real. Trying to bury them or slap a smile over them doesn’t do us any favours.
In fact, it leaves us disconnected from our emotional core. And here’s the kicker — when we actually face those emotions, that’s when we start to grow. That’s when life gets real meaning.
The perfection problem
And, oh, the pressure to be perfect. We’re all running ourselves into the ground trying to be the perfect partner, perfect parent, perfect employee… it never ends. FML.
Society sets these ridiculous standards, and when we inevitably fall short, we’re left feeling like failures. I mean, how many of us beat ourselves up for not living up to these impossible ideals?
Yes, yes, me too.
Here’s where Rolón throws us a lifeline. He says: perfection? It’s a mirage.
True happiness is messy, imperfect, and full of contradictions.
The key is to stop striving for society’s idea of perfection and start embracing the chaos of real life.
Yeah, things are going to be messy. But that’s where the beauty is — in the flaws, in the failures, in all the unexpected twists that make life what it is.
It’s time to stop chasing this false idea of happiness that modern culture keeps shoving in our faces. Life is messy. Happiness is imperfect, and definitely not a permanent state. Happiness is not a goal, something to be chased like the promised land that we must get to. It is more like an emotion, a glimpse, a subtle moment, a snippet of joy.
And that’s okay.
Love,
Noemi
P.S.: If Gabriel Rolón’s book has caught your attention, you can find it here.
