In under three minutes, I’m going to explain why you should trust your first impression when you meet someone new.
And in under a minute, I’ll explain why you need to take note of what someone reveals about themselves from the start, so you can avoid trouble later.
But, it may take you more than five years to fully take in what I’m going to share in today’s email. If you really pay attention, you’ll get so quick at reading people that you’ll be able to spot trouble within seconds.
Here’s what happened:
The other day a friend sent me a video of Oprah Winfrey. In case you’ve just arrived on planet Earth, Oprah is an American television host, producer and media mogul who became one of the most influential figures in modern media.
And in case you’re wondering why I’m talking about someone you couldn’t care less about, don’t worry. The messenger isn’t the point. The message is.
Listen to this:
In the video, Oprah was leaving a building when a reporter asked her:
“What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten that you’d like to give to other people?”
Yes, about as basic and straightforward as questions get, right?
But sometimes the simplest questions produce the best answers. If you’re paying attention.
Oprah replied:
“The best advice I’ve ever gotten, and it’s carried me through so many things… Maya Angelou, who was very dear to me, said:
(Pay attention, because this is the important part.)
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
That’s it. Email over. There’s your masterclass. You can get on with your day now.
No, wait.
Oprah goes on to add something important that Maya used to stress:
“People have to show you 29 times. People always show you who they are. And not only do they show you who they are, they come back and show you again, and again, and again… So believe them the first time and you don’t have to pay the price of the 29th time.”
Most of the time, we don’t pay attention. We dismiss advice that is pure wisdom, like the advice Maya Angelou gave Oprah Winfrey all those years ago.
But when it comes to dealing with other people, this may be the most valuable advice you’ll ever get. Maya couldn’t have been more right.
Because when you first meet someone, they’re already showing you who they are. From that first interaction, those first days, those first moments, that first experience, they’re telling you through what they do, how they behave, what they say and don’t say, how they talk about people behind their backs, how they speak to others, the promises they keep and the ones they never follow through on.
From the moment you meet someone, if you’re paying attention, you can already see all of that and more.
Once you’ve seen it, you can act on it. You can decide whether to keep that person in your life or run in the opposite direction.
And you see this everywhere:
You see it on a first date, when the other person suddenly makes a rude or belittling remark to the waiter. But for some reason, you decide to let it slide.
You see it when you realise that something you told someone in confidence, someone you thought you were becoming friends with, has somehow reached other people. But for some reason, you decide to let it slide.
You also see it when your boss starts contradicting themselves, or denies saying something a few days ago that you know perfectly well they said, and now changes their story. And for some reason, you decide to let it slide.
I could give you a billion examples from every area of your life. And they all come down to the same thing:
People show you who they are from the beginning.
But most of us look for supposedly logical or rational explanations for why someone did that slightly strange thing, or why they did something that disappointed us.
But as Oprah says at the end, there’s always a price to pay.
If you ignore what someone is showing you when you’re getting to know them, those first signs that something isn’t right, that something feels a little off…
You’ll end up paying for not listening the first time.
I see this constantly with clients in my private practice. Very intelligent people who, for some reason, try to explain away something odd a person did when they first met.
You don’t need to wait until someone lets you down for the 29th time. You can start paying attention now, in your current relationships and in any new ones that come into your life. If you don’t know how to read those subtle signs, I can teach you.
Where?
How?
Here.
Love,
Noemi
P.S.: You don’t have to keep being disappointed by other people. Those early signs, what someone is showing you at that very moment, are actually easy to spot. The problem is that, unconsciously, we ignore them. But that can change.
You can change that here.
