There is a very simple trick you can use in those moments when you’re either terrified or about to face a significant challenge.
The trick is so stupid and simple that you’ll want to slap your forehead.
In fact, it’s so simple, yet completely effective, that the vast majority of people underestimate it and never put it into practice.
Imagine you’re about to walk into a job interview, one of those absolutely nerve-wracking ones, with several rounds of interviews.
Imagine you’ve already successfully passed several rounds, and you’re about to face the final test.
The most important one.
A five panel interview. People who know nothing about you personally and don’t even care. You have to prove your worth and how much you deserve that job.
Also, imagine you’re scared to death. Easy to imagine this part: there’s a lot at stake.
In front of you is the possibility of achieving a dream, the chance to grow, to advance, to go after what you desire most.
As I said, there’s a lot at stake.
However, your mind, and then your body, begin to unite in a great battle of self-destruction. Ha! Your heart races, making it hard to catch your breath. You’re a bundle of nerves, barely able to stammer your name because of how nervous you are.
As I said, there’s a lot at stake.
It’s almost unfair that your body, your mind, are playing tricks on you at this very moment when what you need most is to be calm, composed, and confident in yourself.
There’s a lot at stake!!!
Well.
Some time ago, I watched a video of Ilia Topuria, and I was completely fascinated. For those who don’t know, he is one of the best mixed martial arts (MMA) fighters and the current world champion in the featherweight division of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC).
No less, huh?
It was a video taken seconds before he went to fight.
Seconds before competing for the title of best UFC fighter.
There was a lot at stake. A lot.
I’m sure if you try, you can imagine how he must have been feeling inside.
Even though self-confidence is one of this fighter’s key characteristics, not even the most self-assured person would be free from nerves at crucial moments like these.
However…
What Ilia did, you can do too. And I’m not referring to fighting against Alexander Volkanovski. What I mean is that what he did before entering the octagon, you can do before facing your own critical moments.
You can watch the video here, where you can see snippets of that moment I’m talking about. Ilia is using self-talk, speaking to himself. Notice how he talks to himself and what he says, because that’s where the key lies. It’s in Spanish, but I’ll translate it for you here:
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“Dios está conmigo.” “God is with me.”
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“Él me preparó para esto.” “He prepared me for this.”
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“Él me preparó para esto.” “He prepared me for this.”
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“Él está conmigo.” “He is with me.”
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“Me hizo rápido, fuerte, trabajador, realizador.” “He made me fast, strong, hard-working, successful.”
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“Es hora de cumplir el sueño.” “It’s time to fulfill the dream.”
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“Él ganará esta batalla por mí.” “He will win this battle for me.”
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“Sólo ven mi cuerpo, pero él ganará esto por mí.” “They only see my body, but He will win this for me.”
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“Ya lo van a ver. Ya lo verán, ya.” “They’ll see it. They’ll see it soon.”
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“Fe. Fe.” “Faith. Faith.”
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“No hay miedo.” “There’s no fear.”
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“Todas las cosas buenas están al otro lado del miedo.” “All good things are on the other side of fear.”
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“Eso lo voy a mostrar. No hay miedo. No puedo sentir eso. No puedo sentirlo” “I’ll show that. There’s no fear. I can’t feel it. I can’t feel it.”
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“La victoria es mía.” “Victory is mine.”
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“Ya está decretado.” “It’s already decreed.”
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“Está escrito. Escrito.” “It’s written. Written.”
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“Espectacular. Voy a ganar de forma espectacular.” “Spectacular. I’m going to win in a spectacular way.”
And you might say, but this guy is crazy, talking to himself like that… Ah, no.
You’re completely wrong. And I’m going to tell you why.
This is self-talk.
It’s talking to oneself. And this is so simple and yet so effective that it seems ridiculous that we don’t do it every time we need it.
Oh, wait! Yes, we do, automatically, without realising it. Our mind is a constant factory of thoughts. The bad thing is that, in general, they are very unhelpful or, worse yet, negative.
Many people have criticised Topuria precisely for this, for talking to himself ‘so well’. They label him as arrogant. Honestly, I can’t say anything about that, as I don’t know him personally.
A person can be arrogant and talk well to themselves. And also, a person can be humble and still speak well to themselves. So, we need more details before criticising others indiscriminately.
And be careful, there are people who apparently speak very badly to themselves, so others can hear, and it’s all manipulation and, I assure you, nothing to do with humility. There are hundreds of horror stories caused by people who ‘seemed so humble’, ‘seemed so good or charismatic’.
But let’s not dwell on this. It’s not important. And if you want, we can talk about it another day.
Let’s return to the point of the importance of practising good self-talk.
Good self-talk, just before and during a challenging activity, is considered one of the key techniques for an athlete to successfully achieve their goals. This isn’t just my opinion; science backs this up, and to be specific, so does Dr Martin Hagger, a great sports psychologist whose work I highly recommend.
Because, as you already know, motivation alone is never enough to achieve your goals.
And it’s not just useful for athletes, but for anyone facing a challenging situation that intimidates or scares them.
This is how young children are taught to face a frightening situation.
To be precise, it’s a technique, based on cognitive behavioural psychology, to reduce fear. It involves telling yourself what needs to be done.
And you’ll see, tense moments can be worsened by what we think. Thoughts are very powerful; they can work against us or in our favour. Let’s look at an example:
“This is horrible, I won’t be able to solve it, I’m already nervous, I want to run away from here, I’m going to lose control…”
In situations that cause us fear or anxiety, we tend to anticipate the worst. But if we avoid the situation (which usually happens), we’re overwhelmed by a terrible feeling of frustration, sadness, or anger for not being able to control ourselves and face it (the same happens to children).
For this, one must give oneself verbal instructions to prevent these thoughts from incapacitating you from facing fear and stress.
In other words, it’s about talking to oneself out loud (or internally, it doesn’t matter) and guiding ourselves through the experience we’re living.
As you can see from Ilia Topuria’s example, he uses religious phrases because he is a religious person, and that’s what works best for him. If you’re not, it won’t help you to use them. You need to use phrases that make sense to you, whether they are more practical or descriptive, or more religious or spiritual.
To ensure success, one must choose the right phrases.
One way to find phrases that make sense is to imagine what someone who isn’t afraid or doesn’t get nervous in the situation you’re experiencing would say to themselves. How would it be? Imagine it.
Let me give you three types of phrases you could use as examples:
1- Encouraging phrases
“I can do it. What I’m feeling will pass if I breathe and relax. It won’t stop me from facing this problem. I’m doing well, it’ll be over soon, and I’ll have achieved what I set out to do.”
2- Positively framed arguments
“I’m prepared for this job, as my experience and training demonstrate.”
“These people are looking at me, but they’re not judging me. Most of the time, people are only thinking about themselves. I’m not the centre of their attention.”
“I can’t imagine X being afraid to move to another city; surely they would do it gradually, organising each step they need to take.”
3- Exact instructions on how to proceed (including body movements)
“I’m going to focus on breathing, I’ll stay where I am, in front of the dog, without running away.”
Once you’ve chosen phrases that 1) make sense to you and 2) are consistent with the situation you’re facing, the next step is to memorise them and repeat them as if they were instructions.
At first, it’s good to do this out loud, talking to ourselves, just as Ilia does in the video.
And if you still need examples, you can turn to documentaries, biographies, films, or other people’s experiences where you can see how they adequately face similar situations and analyse what they are saying to themselves.
I hope that helps.
Love,
Noemi
