What I’m about to share will change how you see those moments when sadness hits. Imagine learning that embracing your lows could actually make your highs more genuine.
I get it… no one likes to feel bad; it’s scary and uncomfortable.
But what if leaning into those emotions with compassion could actually set you free?
Alright, let’s talk about something no one likes to admit.
This whole obsession with being happy all the time. You know what I mean! Those motivational quotes plastered everywhere, the endless Instagram posts about “good vibes only,” the ‘if you want you can’ motto, the million and one quotes by Alex Hormozi, and all those self-help books promising eternal optimism.
Sounds great, doesn’t it?
Except for one tiny detail: life doesn’t work that way.
Psychoanalyst Gabriel Rolón, in his book La felicidad: más allá de la ilusión (Happiness: Beyond the Illusion), takes this whole “relentless positivity” myth and flips it on its head. That’s why I like him. That’s why I looooove his books even though they can’t reach Europe. Thank you Jeff.
So, he says chasing this perfect version of happiness often makes us more miserable.
Why?????
Because we end up running away from something far more important, buckle up: honest sadness.
And here’s the kicker: sadness isn’t the enemy we’ve been told it is. It’s actually part of what makes us human.
Hold on, hold on. Don’t go yet, let me explain myself.
The trap of false optimism
Let’s face it, we’re bombarded with phrases like, “Stay positive!” and “Look on the bright side!” every time life throws us a curveball. And sure, people mean well when they say it, but let’s be real, sometimes it just feels hollow.
Like putting a plaster on a wound that needs stitches. Uhh.
Instead of helping, this kind of forced optimism just buries our sadness deeper, leaving it there to simmer.
Rolón says that constantly trying to outrun sadness doesn’t make it go away. It just leaves us feeling out of sync.
We’re smiling on the outside, playing the part, but inside, there’s this uncomfortable emptiness.
Sound familiar?
ha ha. Got you.
Here’s one of my favourite quotes from his book:
“Happiness isn’t the absence of sadness. It’s about accepting all our emotions, even the painful ones.”
Makes sense, technically, doesn’t it?
But, why does honest sadness matter?
Let me tell you something about sadness. First of all, it’s not the villain. It’s more like an awkward friend who shows up uninvited but ends up teaching you something valuable.
Sadness is how we process change, loss, disappointment… basically, life. Without it, we stay stuck, clinging to some sugar-coated version of reality that doesn’t actually help us move on. This is not a Hallmark movie.
Take relationships, for example. Ever seen someone go through a breakup and jump straight into another one? Or to endless dates or hookups?
They’ll tell you they’re fine, they’ve never felt better before, they are into their bitch era, or the experimental era…
Whatever.
But deep down, you know they’re not.
By avoiding sadness, they’re skipping over the part where they could actually learn and heal.
It’s not about being weak; it’s about being brave enough to face the hard stuff. Because when we do, we come out stronger and clearer about what we need or really want.
The illusion of constant happiness
Let’s talk about the big lie: that happiness is this shiny, permanent state we should all be aiming for.
Ha.
Social media’s the worst for this, isn’t it?
Those perfectly filtered lives make us feel like we’re falling short if we’re not grinning 24/7. The perfect husband, the perfect children, renting the yacht in the summer holidays, the trip to Bali, the girlfriends brunch on sundays, flawless morning routines with green juices, the pr invite, extravagant gender reveal parties, designer wardrobe hauls, or perfectly curated Christmas family photos by the fireplace… oh god, just stop.
I’m not having it. This is an illusion.
“The illusion of constant happiness,” Gabriel Rolón says, “is the quickest route to disappointment.”
And he’s right. Life is messy. It’s full of highs, lows, and all the in-betweens. Expecting it to be anything else just sets us up to fail.
Honest sadness, on the other hand, gives us permission to feel what’s real.
And in that reality, we find balance.
Now.
But how do we do this?
Okay, calm down, I hear you.
How to sit with sadness
Alright, so how do you actually do this thing about sitting with your sadness instead of running from it?
I’m not saying it’s easy, beware!!, but here are some things you can do:
- Name it. First things first, call it what it is. Feeling sad? Say it. Write it down. Tell someone you trust. Just acknowledging it can be a huge relief.
- Stop the distractions. It’s tempting to scroll, binge-watch, or bury yourself in work to avoid feeling bad. But if you don’t face it, it’ll only stick around longer. I promise you, the passing of time won’t fix it by itself.
- Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break. Sadness isn’t a failure; it’s part of life. Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d show a friend.
- Find meaning in it. Ask yourself this: what’s this sadness trying to show me? Is it pointing to something I need to change or let go of? There’s usually a lesson in there if you’re willing to look.
- Reach out. Don’t go it alone. A chat with a therapist, a support group, or even a close friend can make all the difference.
But, why does this matter?
Here’s the thing: embracing sadness doesn’t mean you’re giving up on happiness.
Quite the opposite.
It means you’re letting go of this fake, one-size-fits-all version of happiness that we’ve all been sold. That is an illuuuuuusion (imagine dua lipa signing it to you).
You’re making room for something real, something grounded.
Rolón says it beautifully:
“A life without sadness is a life without depth. It’s the contrast of light and shadow that gives our existence meaning.”
Think about that. The next time sadness shows up, try sitting with it instead of slapping on a fake smile.
Who knows?
Surprise, surprise: It might just teach you something you didn’t know you needed to learn.
So, wherever you are, however you’re feeling, know that it’s okay.
Life’s not about always being happy. It’s about being real. About being okay with what is.
Love,
Noemi
P.S.: If Gabriel Rolón’s book has caught your attention, you can find it here.
