Today I want to talk to you about a curse. The curse that falls on anyone who dares to step off the expected path.
So, this morning I was reading a newsletter by Luis Monge Malo. If you haven’t heard of him, he’s an expert in sales, and it’s fascinating how sales connect with almost every area of life. I’ll tell you more about that another day.
In today’s email, he was talking about something that caught my attention: what happens when you don’t do what’s expected.
And if you’re reading this newsletter, if you’re someone who has dreams, who wants to achieve things, you’ll want to hear what I’m about to tell you.
Because this is the curse that follows everyone who steps away from the path others have laid out for them.
Certainly, to anyone who strays from the expected path. When you don’t do what is expected.
This is a concept I talk about a lot here: what happens when you decide not to do what’s expected, and what exactly this so-called “expected” thing is.
Expected by your family, your parents, your closest ones. What’s expected of you at school, at work, in your relationship, in the circle of friends you’ve had since childhood. What people, even unconsciously, expect you to do with your life; what they expect you to think, to say, to choose.
And what happens if you are a fully fledged person, capable of being true to yourself?
If you’re not so afraid of what people will say, you’ve probably dared to think beyond what others expect of you — and that’s when the real party starts.
This is why I connected so much with what Luis said in his email today. He spoke about something very common when you don’t do what’s expected.
He spoke about the endless stream of unsolicited advice he’s received throughout his life whenever he’s shared his plans, projects, decisions, opinions (call them what you like) but they weren’t what was exxpected.
And when you don’t do what’s expected, you start receiving unsolicited advice from supposedly well-intentioned people who tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, who try to convince you that the decision you’re about to make is wrong, and so on and so forth.
And if you’ve dared not to do what was expected by your close ones, you’ll have found yourself in uncomfortable conversations or heard completely misplaced comments. Maybe they were supposedly well-intentioned, but generally, when someone gives advice like that, they have no idea what they’re talking about.
Ignorance is bold.
Here’s just one example.
I remember, many years ago, sharing with a distant relative that I was going to study psychology. The first reaction of this person was to tell me what a bad idea it was, how wrong I was, and that psychology, well, that he simply didn’t believe in psychology.
Anyway.
The thing is, this person told me that being a psychologist was like being a priest. Because back then, when the profession of psychologist didn’t exist or wasn’t common, people went to the village priest to tell their problems or ask for guidance. And this priest guided them from a place of faith and spirituality. But one thing has nothing to do with the other; they are totally different roles and functions. Still, this person used that justification to tell me that psychology was pointless, that what I was doing was rubbish and useless.
Brilliant.
I’ve always loved that kind of feedback.
I could give you plenty of examples, but let me share a few more that came from that same decision to study psychology.
Here’s another one.
This was from a total stranger I met at a dinner with friends. When I told him I was preparing my exams to enter the Faculty of Psychology, he told me it was nonsense, that studying psychology was useless, and that I’d just end up in a human resources department, bitter and frustrated.
Not that people in HR aren’t all bitter and frustrated… but that’s beside the point.
Then, on another occasion, when sharing my plans with a dear friend at the time, again the same kind of comment: “This is useless, what are you going to do with psychology?”
And now that I think about it, I can also tell you a fourth example, this time from a very close relative, who once again told me psychology was useless, how could I possibly make a living from it, that I should be working in some other industry instead.
And these are just examples from one life decision I made many years ago.
Needless to say, I couldn’t care less what anyone has to say about my life decisions, especially when they’re very personal, and especially when the person commenting clearly has no idea what they’re talking about and is speaking purely from their own subjective opinion.
Obviously, it’s true that for them, yes, studying psychology or going into that industry wouldn’t make sense, because it’s not their calling, they have no interest, so for them it would be the wrong choice.
But projecting what they think about a certain thing onto my life decisions, that’s another matter entirely.
And that’s exactly why I connected so much with what Luis said in his email today. He shared a few experiences of his own.
Same pattern: Ignorant, well-intentioned people with big mouths.
When he started as an entrepreneur, someone close to him told him he would fail because he had no contacts, no money, no experience.
When he decided to start charging for his services in advance, a family member insulted him, saying he’d lose clients by doing that.
Later, when he raised his prices, many competitors accused him of being a scammer.
And further on, an expert consultant told him he would never make money from his business, only for Luis to earn forty million euros that very same year. Later, that competitor disappeared. Surprise, surprise.
I’m sure you’ve been in such a situation, where you made a life decision, or expressed an opinion on a politically incorrect subject, or decided something new for your life, a new way of living, and suddenly, like flies, opinions swarmed around you.
And yes, even from people who love you dearly and want the best for you.
Those are the worst opinions.
That’s why, for a long time now, I’ve been very careful about whom I share my projects with, whom I tell about the things I’m going to do, or the things I wish to do.
Because you can’t have those conversations with everyone.
You can’t trust everyone with what you want to undertake, with what you still have no idea how the hell you’re going to manage, or where to even begin. Yet deep down you know something is calling you to take a particular path, even if that path leads you away from what’s expected.
Nobody has a clue about your life. Act accordingly.
Love,
Noemi
