One of the biggest problems for a lot of people is not feeling motivated to do the things they know they need to do.
This is what happens when you keep waiting for that motivation to appear out of nowhere: Life carries on and you still haven’t achieved what you set out to do. If this is something that worries you, you’ll want to read what follows.
Psychology would never say: find motivation and then act.
It says something closer to this: The best way to do what you need to do is to set up an action that’s clear, small and repeatable enough that it doesn’t depend on how you feel in that moment.
Stop lying to yourself: never rely on motivation.
Let’s talk about it.
1. The quality of your motivation matters more than the amount
According to self-determination theory in psychology, what best sustains a behaviour isn’t “being very motivated”, it’s feeling some sense of choice, personal meaning and competence in what you’re doing.
It’s not enough to say “I have to do it”. It works better to connect the action with something the person recognises as their own: health, independence, self-respect, a project, stability, their body, their future.
AKA purpose. You need a valid reason why you’re doing something. That doesn’t remove the resistance completely, but it gives the action more weight.
2. Intention alone is weak
Wanting to do something isn’t enough. Planning your tasks in an “if X happens, then I’ll do Y” format helps you move from intention to action. Let’s look at it properly with an example:
Don’t just say: “I have to write a novel.”
Say instead: “After my 9:00 coffee, I’ll open the document and write 100 words, even if they’re bad.”
3. Action can come before motivation
This is closely related to treatments for depression and low mood, where an important part of therapy consists of scheduling activities and reconnecting with sources of reward, mastery or meaning, without waiting until you feel like doing it first (because that feeling may never show up).
Meaning: Waiting until you feel like it can become a sophisticated way of not moving.
But, careful: It’s not always a matter of laziness.
Sometimes it’s avoidance, exhaustion, fear, perfectionism or disconnection.
It doesn’t matter, the solution always starts with behaviour, with taking action: starting with one specific, small, real action.
4. Habits don’t form in 21 days
One of the lies of this century: the idea that habits take 21 days to form.
I wonder: why 21? Why not 19 or 28?
Recent scientific evidence on habit formation dismantles the quick-fix myth. Health habits start to form at…
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