I’m sure you know somebody who is still trying to get their business to work after some 10 or 20 odd years.
I’m sure you’ve at least heard of that actor/actress/waiter/waitress still waiting for that role to get them their breakthrough.
I’m sure you know a person or two who’s trying to pass ‘those final exams’ for the 16th time.
Or, talking about something different, I’m sure you know about that person who’s in that relationship even though they make up and break up at least 20 times just during the last year.
Hey, I admire the effort. I’m all about perseverance. I’m all about hard work and pushing your limits when needed.
But that sometimes is the exception to the rule.
Sometimes it takes “ten years to become an overnight success”; other times, you are barking up the wrong tree. Completely blind and stubborn.
Today, I want to talk about something we all face at some point: the fine line between holding on to a dream and knowing when to let go.
It’s a dilemma that shows up in romantic relationships, friendships, career choices… you name it.
That’s why, when I started reading psychoanalyst Gabriel Rolón’s La felicidad: más allá de la ilusión (Happiness: Beyond the Illusion), I deeply connected with what he was saying. He talked about those dreams we sometimes cling to a bit too tightly.
We’re raised to believe that dreams are sacred, that we should chase them at all costs. No matter what. No matter who.
Ha.
And, of course, dreams do drive us, give us purpose, a reason to wake up every horrible Monday.
But, as Gabriel Rolón suggests in his book, there’s a risk in never questioning whether a dream still fits, especially when it starts taking more than it gives.
When a dream turns from something inspiring into something that drains us, it may be time to let it go. And, not because we’re “quitting,” but because we’re making room for something better suited to who we are now.
We do change. All the time.
Therefore, our dreams and desires must too.
The fascination with the impossible
We’ve all felt it, haven’t we? That thrill of dreaming big, visualising ourselves doing something extraordinary.
The world around us loves to say, “If you believe it enough, it’ll happen!”
If you wish upon a star…
It’s a tempting idea, isn’t it? But reality? Reality is a bit messier.
There are limits, and sometimes what we want most is precisely what’s out of reach. Yet, there’s something captivating about reaching for the impossible; it’s like a challenge we set ourselves, a way to stand out, to prove something (to ourselves, to the world, to our demanding parents?)
And here’s the thing: that’s where the danger lies. We get so fixated on a dream that we stop noticing when it starts costing us our present happiness.
We start thinking, “If I just push a bit harder…”
But, but.
Dreams should be like guideposts, not prisons.
If we’re sacrificing other parts of our lives to reach something that might never materialise, we’re missing out on what’s here, right now.
“It’s not always about achieving everything we dream of, but rather learning to discern which dreams bring us closer to ourselves and which ones take us further from our peace.”
When dreams become toxic
So, when does a dream go from inspiring to toxic?
Now, think.
Think.
Think.
Not yet?
Okay…
Here’s the clue: it’s when the dream starts to chip away at your self-worth.
Aha, the magic word: self-worth.
Maybe it’s that job you’ve always wanted, or the ideal relationship, or some personal milestone that you just can’t seem to reach. And each time you don’t hit that goal, there’s this creeping feeling of inadequacy, like you’re somehow “not enough” because you haven’t achieved that one thing.
This is where dreams can turn on us.
What used to be a source of hope becomes a reason to feel small.
We start thinking, “If I haven’t made it by now, what does that say about me?”
If I didn’t do the Ironman this year and… the last time they had to take me out in an ambulance… and…
Letting go at this point isn’t about failing. It’s about self-respect.
When a dream no longer supports who we are but instead weighs us down, letting it go can be the healthiest, bravest thing we can do.
Let’s put it another way: “To continue with a dream that no longer brings happiness is not persistence; it’s imprisonment.”
Letting go isn’t the same as giving up
One of the hardest parts about letting go is that little voice whispering, “But what if this means I’ve failed?”
Society loves to tell us that changing our minds or adjusting our goals is a sign of weakness.
“You got a divorce, huh?” Oh well…
Letting go is an act of self-compassion.
It’s not about weakness; it’s about knowing what’s right for us.
Sticking with something just because we don’t want to look like quitters? That’s a surefire path to misery.
If your marriage didn’t work even though you put in all the love, the commitment, the effort…
Letting go of a dream is, in fact, a show of strength.
It’s saying, “I’m worth more than this one goal.”
There’s courage in being willing to change direction, to open up to new possibilities that match who we are now, not who we were when we first set that goal.
Making room for new dreams
When we hold on too tightly to dreams that no longer serve us, we’re closing the door to other possibilities.
Imagine this: you’ve been fixated on a career for years, convinced that it’s your calling, only to realise it doesn’t make you happy anymore.
I remember a case of a physiotherapist who worked very hard to get her degree, only to find out, once she started working in a clinic years later, that she HATED touching other people’s bodies. She was disgusted by it.
Could you imagine? Studying for 4, 5 years, very hard, and then, when it comes to fulfilling the dream, she realises that… ‘Hold on a second! I actually don’t like this at all!’
But to admit, to realise the time invested (not lost) in a dream that she didn’t really want anymore… She was brave, though. Once she became aware, she could move on.
And this is not failing. This was chasing the wrong dream. Now, she could redirect onto things that matter for her.
Clinging to that vision keeps you stuck, while all around you, new doors are waiting to be opened.
Gabriel Rolón puts it perfectly in his book: life isn’t about reaching just one destination. It’s about giving ourselves permission to explore, to adapt, and to find meaning in new ways.
It doesn’t mean we forget our past dreams. They’re part of us, a reflection of what mattered to us once.
But by allowing new dreams to take root, we give ourselves the chance to grow, to evolve. We’re not letting go of everything we once valued; we’re simply making space for what comes next.
Letting go of what we can’t control
“Clinging to the impossible can be a way of denying reality; sometimes, the bravest act is letting go of what, though once desired, no longer has a place in our present.”
In a world that glorifies control and grit, we’re constantly told that with enough effort, we can shape life exactly how we want.
But, oh, but.
That’s not always how things work. Sometimes, life has a way of surprising us, of pushing certain things just out of reach.
Whether it’s a relationship that didn’t last, a career that didn’t go as planned, or a personal goal that faded, learning to let go of these is part of making peace with life’s unpredictability.
This isn’t about giving up control entirely; it’s about focusing on what is within reach.
We’re shifting our energy away from things that might never be and putting it into goals and dreams that are genuinely possible.
By walking this line between ambition and acceptance, we create a life that’s richer, more balanced, and grounded in reality.
Your reality.
So, here’s a question for you:
What dreams are you still holding onto, and are they still bringing you joy?
Or have they become a source of frustration?
Taking a step back doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re giving yourself the space to grow, to find dreams that fit who you are now, not who you were when you first dreamt them up.
If you’re open to the idea that not all dreams are meant to be lifelong, you might just find that new doors start opening. There’s a whole world of possibilities out there, waiting for you to see them. But to embrace them, you’ll need to let go of what’s holding you back.
Let go.
Love,
Noemi
