This is definitely the worst advice I’ve ever heard in mental health and personal development.
It said something like the worst advice someone can give you is to “go with your gut”.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in all these years of work, it’s that there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all. As we used to say in one of the group therapy programmes where I volunteered for two years, “what works for one person doesn’t work for another”.
That’s just how it is. And that’s why I always try to remind readers here, in this newsletter, to be careful with the kind of narratives that come from coaches who sell through their personal stories, offering you “the ten steps” to overcome this or achieve that. Be cautious.
It’s true that some things in mental health can be generalised, but there are details that must always be taken into account and adapted to the person and the situation.
What works for one person may not work for another.
That’s the problem with throwing slogans around and assuming everyone will respond in the same way.
Everything must always be personalised and adapted to the individual.
Now, I’m a big follower of Alex Hormozi, and also of his wife, Leila. I happened to come across one of those “universal advice” posts on her Instagram recently, and if you follow her too, you’ve probably seen it. In this post, she said the following:
She said that the worst advice she had ever given to others was to “go with your gut”.
And she explained it like this: many times her instinct told her to run away from problems, to avoid them, because our instinctive reaction often comes from fear, and we can’t listen to that call.
If we did, our lives would simply revolve around avoiding difficult challenges.
And in that, Leila is absolutely right.
She continues by saying that human beings are designed to survive, and therefore our instinctive reaction helps us survive by running away from danger and problems.
That’s true too, Leila. I agree.
She gave some examples, such as how our instinct makes us avoid that uncomfortable conversation at work, or how it makes us stay in bed instead of getting up for a tough morning workout.
In short, as Leila sums it up, our instinct doesn’t move us closer to our goals, it takes us further away from them.
And in a way, she’s right.
Although, of course, when it comes to mental health and personal development, things aren’t as black and white as she explains in that Instagram post.
I completely understand that social media content must be simplified, diluted, and stripped down, because of the very nature of the medium: it has to be easy enough for anyone to grasp, emotionally engaging, and designed to keep people hooked and interacting with it.
But, my friend, social media is not real life.
This same idea she shares — “don’t listen to your gut, stick to the plan” — comes straight from her own leitmotif, her big differentiating message: “fuck your mood, follow the plan”.
But of course, life isn’t as simple as that kind of statement. In reality, we shouldn’t ignore our instincts completely and just stick to the plan, because it depends on the situation and the context.
The smartest thing to do is first to assess the situation and the context, and then decide whether to follow your instinct or to ignore that signal and continue with the plan.
It all comes down to a very simple yet incredibly difficult strategy to apply: discernment. Knowing when it’s better to ignore your instinct — which, in this case, might not really be instinct but a fear-based alarm signal — and when it’s better to follow it, because sometimes listening to that signal from within is exactly what makes the difference between your life getting better or worse.
I’m sure you’ve been in situations where listening to your gut made you step back from your goals because it wasn’t the best option at that time, and I’m equally sure you’ve experienced the opposite — moments where following your intuition, that quiet inner voice, gave you the warning you needed to say no, to step away from something that wasn’t right for you, and ultimately, to benefit from that decision.
The key is, and will always be, discernment.
If you’d like to strengthen that connection with your intuition — to understand when it’s just fear keeping you stuck, stopping you from growing or moving forward, and when it’s actually acting in your favour, warning you about something that isn’t right for you or steering you away from what could harm you — if you want to fine-tune that radar so you can tell the difference, this will help.
I wrote an article about how to connect with your intuition. Don’t worry, there’s nothing woo-woo or esoteric about it. It simply shows, in practical terms, how you can start improving that connection: how to tap into your intuition.
Love,
Noemi
P.S.: here for the article on how to strengthen your own radar.
