You know that saying that if you want something badly enough, you can do it?
That if you really want it, if you put in the effort, willpower, hard work and perseverance, you can achieve anything you set your mind to?
Well, well, you know what I say to that?
Whoever tells you that is lying.
The other day, I surprised a client by telling her this.
My therapeutic style is very honest and transparent, and although I’m always very tactful, I’m not the kind of person who likes to sugar-coat what needs to be said.
In fact, I have two sayings that I repeat constantly in therapy, and they go like this:
not everything is possible.
and not everything is possible at the same time.
Each one has its own explanation. But rather than go off on a tangent, I’ll give you the details in another newsletter.
And of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not my patients’ biggest cheerleader. I support them 100%, but I’m always very realistic about what can and can’t be done.
I don’t like lying to people.
And I certainly don’t want to encourage them to lie to themselves.
That kind of self-deception is even worse and, sadly, extremely common.
Just the other day, I came across a brilliant lesson from Toni Nadal, the uncle and former coach of Spanish tennis player Rafa Nadal. Listen to what he said. It’s powerful, especially at a time when it’s so popular to claim that we can achieve anything.
Here’s what he said:
“If you want it, you can do it’? No. Wanting something doesn’t necessarily mean you can do it.
If Alcaraz wants to win Roland Garros and Sinner does too, one of them won’t be able to.
We’re told that we should always give positive messages, messages that boost a player’s self-esteem, messages that boost their self-confidence.
I think the only thing these kinds of messages boost is self-deception. Self-deception gets you nowhere.
Doing things properly won’t guarantee success. Doing them badly will almost always guarantee failure.
Given the choice, choose to do them properly.“
Bravo, he couldn’t have put it better.
Now.
My point isn’t that you can’t set yourself big goals.
Of course you can, and whenever my clients do, I’m right there beside them, encouraging them and helping them build a strategy made up of manageable steps that move them towards what they want.
But always being realistic.
Always keeping your feet firmly on the ground, knowing that you have to work within what’s genuinely possible for you and build from there towards achieving it.
To do that, you need to know yourself very well.
Be honest with yourself about your abilities and your difficulties. What you have to work with and what you lack…
We all lack something (me too, obviously).
Can everyone become a top NBA player?
Can everyone work more than eighty hours a week climbing the corporate ladder to land a top job?
Can everyone have Céline Dion’s vocal range?
That’s life. Not everything is possible.
But when it comes to the things that are possible, the things you know you can do but are afraid to go after, afraid you won’t achieve, the things you don’t know how to make happen or how to build a strategy for, that’s where I can help.
Plenty of things are indeed possible.
And you should go after them.
You must.
You owe it to yourself.
And I can help you with that here.
Love,
Noemi
PS: click the link above.
PS2: or here.
