how to close a chapter without burning bridges

Just last week I was talking to you about that uncomfortable thing that happens when people from your past, childhood friends, those old friendships, start feeling… off. And I want to take a new angle on this idea of letting go. I want to use the current mood to keep talking about this concept of letting go, and understand that sometimes it’s important to review your own life to see what’s working, and what’s starting to rub the wrong way.

This isn’t about doing a purge, or cutting off everyone, or filling your house with bin bags and throwing everything out. What I mean is doing a very conscious exercise of what stays and what goes.

A lot of the time, when you feel you’re closing a chapter, you can feel it in your body. You feel there are things that have run their course, things that have no more stretch left.

Maybe it’s a relationship with a family member, or a friend, where you can see you’re the one pulling the weight, but things don’t flow anymore. You can see you’re not speaking the same language, you don’t understand each other the same way, you don’t share the same things.

And like I said in last week’s newsletter, this is normal. It means that as life moves forward, you move forward too, you grow, you change.

It’s a normal phenomenon.

So there’s no need to be afraid of it, but there’s also no point looking the other way and pretending nothing’s happening.

So the exercise I’m suggesting today is simply a review: how are things going for you, what do you need to close, what do you need to define, what needs doing differently.

And like I said, this can be in your personal relationships, or in the way you work or study, in the projects you have, whether personal or professional. In everything.

So today we’re going to talk about what stays and what goes.

Understood, of course, as closing a chapter, as renouncing all those things that aren’t good for you and are limiting your growth, and also as setting limits with the things you still want to keep, but that need to fit your current life. That means you’ll have to set boundaries (don’t be scared!) and define when and how they get to exist in your life.

So, here we can talk about:

What goes: what aspect, bond, relationship, habit, project, job, or expectation has already done its job in your life and is worth releasing. And remember, when I say release, I don’t mean “get rid of”. I mean releasing the way it exists today.
What stays: what value, what criteria, what part of you needs to remain so you don’t lose the plot.
The specific boundary to set, or the specific thing to renounce: meaning, what exactly do you need to implement to make this change real in your life. Think: the uncomfortable decision you have to make.
And a few practical tips to make it easier to carry out.

Let’s go point by point now, in more detail:

Number one: what goes

You have to release someone else’s script, that life script of what you “should” do, what’s expected of you. Let it go. Because this is about living your life, not everyone else’s. And what am I referring to? The “should”. Loyalty out of habit. Belonging paid for with self-censorship. Asking for permission to change. And I insist, in this newsletter, letting go isn’t about dumping people who no longer “serve” you. That’s for sociopathic influencers, and we’re not that. Letting go is about releasing the need to fit in, and the constant self-deception you get trapped in when you think, “If I do the right thing, they’ll accept me.”

Point number two: what stays

Here you need to hold a big, global frame over your life. Understand that life comes in stages, and sometimes there’s a real closure of a cycle, where you integrate the experiences you’ve lived through, with the dignity of knowing you did the best you could, knowing you were responsible for your part. And take on the idea that if you’re in a stage where you feel something is closing, it’s ending because you’ve grown, because you’ve matured. If life were a video game, you’d have levelled up. And you don’t have to experience this as drama, but as closure: I’ve finished a stage, I’m going to start another.

Third: the specific boundary or renunciation

[restrict paid=”true”]What I mean here is that in most cases, like I said in the previous newsletter, I always choose the middle way. You don’t have to be an extremist, going through life burning bridges as you cross them. For example, just because you don’t connect as much with your childhood friends anymore doesn’t mean you’ll cut all ties and stop speaking to them. Or just because you feel the job you’re doing no longer fits you in the same way doesn’t mean you’ll quit overnight. The key is balance and equilibrium. And change can happen without extremes: neither cutting people off brutally, nor staying in the same place out of guilt.

For example, if your situation is about a relationship, the boundary might be about regulating your involvement: the time you dedicate to that friendship, the level of access that person has to you, the availability you offer them, the energy you put in. And especially renouncing the urgency to solve everything right now, from one day to the next. Also, setting a boundary requires that you give fewer explanations to other people and become more consistent with the small changes you’re putting in place.

Fourth and last: the how, with simple tools

Here you look at how you can approach it from your part, from your role, what decision you can make, and what experiments you can run so you can move through those changes.

So I’m going to suggest two or three concrete exercises so you can close this chapter without losing yourself along the way. This is the part of you that stops waiting for the “perfect moment” and starts shaping reality with what’s already in your hands.

Here are three moves you can make immediately:

Move 1: The permanence filter

Ask yourself: If I met this today, would I choose it again?

Yes: it stays, but it might need a new form.

No: it goes, even if it hurts.

Not sure: it enters a 30-day trial period with clear rules.

This removes the fantasy that you need certainty to move. You only need a decision you can live with for the next month.

Move 2: The 20% rule

Pick one relationship, habit, or commitment that you’ve outgrown, and reduce it by 20% this week. You see, middle ground. Not 100%, a dramatic goodbye, or ghosting people. Just enough reduction to prove to your nervous system that you can survive the discomfort.

Examples:

One fewer call.

One fewer meet-up.

No replying during one specific time window.

Leaving early instead of staying until you’re depleted.

Less, not none.

Move 3: One sentence, no speech

When you’re going to implement that boundary or what you need to let go of, if words are needed, keep them short and non-negotiable.

Choose one:

“I’m in a different season. I’m keeping things simpler.”

“I won’t be as available.”

“That doesn’t work for me anymore/this year/this week.”

“I’m changing how I do this.”

Of course, adapt the sentence to the context, and especially to the person it’s aimed at. Just don’t give a long explanation that nobody asked for. The old script trains you to justify your growth, the new standard doesn’t.

And if you still feel confused about what should go or stay in your life, or even if you don’t know whether there are things that deserve a review, I recommend you do the Annual Review.

It’s a free resource where you’ll evaluate your life as it is right now, and go through a review process to see what deserves to stay, and what needs to adapt or die in this new stage you’re entering. You’ll find it here.