A few days ago, I was reading a book about finances, and in the middle of it all, the author started a whole speech motivating the potential ‘entrepreneur’, so to speak. It was alright, but as I normally tend to overanalyse it (the perks of being a psychoanalyst in training), and I came up with a few ideas that I want to share with you.
Let’s read the original text to put you into context, she said:
‘Having a good attitude towards life is completely up to you. You can give daily excuses to justify your lack of commitment with yourself, but the reality is ‘if you want you can’, it only depends on you, and it’s way easier than you think.’
Well.
To a point, right?
So, why did I cringe so much when I stumbled upon this pseudo positive psychology idea?
Let me break it down:
‘Having a good attitude towards life is completely up to you. You can give daily excuses to justify your lack of commitment with yourself’
I totally agree, you know I fully embrace self-responsibility.
But.
This famous quote that says ‘if you want you can’ is so cheery and motivational, à la Tony Robbins, but it could be dangerous in the wrong hands or when taken completely out of context, which is almost ALL THE TIME.
The reality is not ‘if you want, you can’, it is:
If I want something, I’m going to see how I can get closer to my X (my desire/goal), instead of moving away from it. Sometimes we can’t do it all, but trying and working towards it is a better option.
Another important thing to bear in mind is almost all of our struggles as humans come from denying the fact that ‘we can’t do/have/be everything’. But that’s a debate for another day.
More on the overly naive text is:
‘it only depends on you’
Well.
Yes, to a point.
Sometimes it does, but you’ll have to work hard and consistently.
Sometimes it doesn’t, and you won’t be able to do it all or you’ll have to ask for help from others.
And the last part of the overly simplistic text stated:
‘and it’s way easier than you think’
Oh, my bad.
Sometimes it is, and it just flows. Feels like magic.
Sometimes you’ll have to hustle for a while until you start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and the benefits of hard work, with patience and persistence. Mind you, after shedding some tears of desperation.
Now, let’s dive in a bit deeper, shall we?
This idea of ‘if you want you can do it’ follows us around incessantly. It haunts us.
If you have a privileged situation, let’s say, you don’t have struggles with your finances or health, these kinds of motivational phrases can provide the little push you need to keep working towards whatever goal you may have.
But, once again, this doesn’t apply to everybody since not everyone starts from the same position. Or, as the rapper Drake would say, ‘I started from the bottom, now we’re here’, ha! (I can’t believe I’m quoting Drake, but the message is what matters, not the messenger!).
This doesn’t mean we can’t achieve the same goals as those in more privileged situations. It just means we might need to take a different route or make different adjustments in order to reach our destination.
We can go around using these simple motivational phrases, but generally, they don’t work because they fail to consider an individual’s unique circumstances. And how could they? They’re only simplistic motivational quotes!
But, we can question them when we read them.
We must.
We owe it to ourselves to pause and question whether that quote or phrase truly resonates with us or needs some modifications.
Because if we don’t use our critical thinking superpowers, we can easily fall into the ‘guilt zone’ or the ‘I’m not good enough’ mindset, or the ‘what’s wrong with me that I can’t achieve this goal when others (allegedly) can’, and ‘this (____fill in the blank) influencer seems to have it all figured out!’.
If you’ve bought into this motivational narrative to the point where you’re doubting yourself and your abilities, stop before you drown in it.
Love,
Noemi
